Who's Who & What's What in The Elite Bar

Cast of Characters
Regulars
Things & Stuff

Cast of Characters - THIS IS A DUPLICATE OF BEE'S PAGE AND NEEDS TO BE REWRITTEN TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT THE REFURBISHMENT
Major Characters
Bee-Keep - The Barman, and thus owner of the bar and surrounding lands. Bee is a veteran commander of yesteryear, with somewhat antiquated opinions, and a tendency to regard new-fangled ideas such as ships with curves and the Alliance somewhat suspiciously. Born and raised on BeBeCe, Bee is the definitive native; however, he has travelled far and wide in his time, and still takes regular holidays to destinations unknown. He is slightly eccentric.
Squirrel Nutkin- Surely everyone knows the tale of Squirrel Nutkin! The plucky little red squirrel was largely forgotten by the 21st century Beatrix Potter(c) marketing machine because he was hard to draw and, furthermore, children in London and the Home Counties (the only children that matter to marketing machines) had no idea what a red squirrel was, anyway. Shunned by Peter Rabbit(tm), Mrs. Tiggywinkle(tm) and Co, busy lining their little pockets with novelty-item sales revenue and the proceeds of that place in Bowness, a disenfranchised Nutkin and his band of squirrels somehow found their way to 34th Century BeBeCe. There they currently reside, and that's about as much of an explanation as you'll ever get.
Horse and The HoloBarman - Exactly where these two are these days is a mystery. Bee suspects they may have fallen into the time-portal to Scunthorpe (kept covered by the coal scuttle), along with all of the other former regulars.
The Juice-O-Matic - Ostensibly still there, the JOM has long-since shut up, slightly bemused by the new turn the bar appears to be taking. Bee uses it to store adverts he finds in Calor Gas Monthly, for future reference.
Commander Pfeifer - Commander Rob Pfeifer, Elite, deserves a mention here, on virtue of him being the Elite Bar's very first customer. He has since written a short story based upon that first day, which can (probably) be found on his page here. It will probably never get any further than it is currently, because commander Pfeifer vanished. Until recently, it was feared that, in Elite-Bar parlance, he had "Gone to Scunthorpe." However, he has re-appeared, much to everyone's relief!
Old Mr. Brown - Old Brown is an owl. He is a serious and very wise owl, who has recently taken over the rafters, and has taken it upon himself to attack anyone deploying unwelcome innuendo or acting in an off-putting manner. His displeasure is signalled by an unsettling screech.

Minor Characters

The Farmers - The world of BeBeCe One has but one major industry, based on its, ahem, Wetlands Ecology. The herding of giant trout is a major business, as is the cultivation of the thousands of useful freshwater plant species that thrive below the marsh; these, along with many other occupations, are generally referred to as "Farming". The Farmers themselves are good, honest people who have recently boycotted the Bar, mumbling "Right tourist place, that now. Gone t't dogs, it 'as, happen, like'd Swan, aye."
Captain Thyme - Captain Thyme, while important, has never said nor done anything in the Bar, on virtue of his death a few weeks before Commander Pfeifer first stepped though the door. His ashes are still under the bar, in a very safe place.
The Wildlife - Of which a lot has appeared recently, especially the incongruous Red Squirrels (not deterred by the lack of trees). There are owls in the rafters, one of which has recently been accidentally shot and presented to Shazzer as a Sexual Innuendo Prize. This has amused no-one but Shazzer, whom the remaining owls view with some measure of hostility (they're not alone, mind you).

Regulars

We should ask a few people who they're actually supposed to be, one of these days. Here, in no real order, is a list of the Bar's regulars....

Bee-Keep The bar-keep. The owner. The landlord. Man wit' drinks. He is a local (aye, 'appen as maybes, them's fair l'od'o' dog's f'ut show back a' Skidda, aye, dogs a'mane) but, you'll be pleased to know, speaks Galactic Standard with faultless clarity. Although he's not old enough to retire from a life in space, he has done so anyway. Once a Krait pilot and trader, his trips into space these days are confined to gu'urn t't shops and occasional sorties to other systems for reasons unspecified. As befits the owner of the most prestigious and atmospheric secret society bar in the galaxy, he is mysterious and may not be entirely real.
Rob Pfeifer Self-styled "last knight of the spacelanes", he never seems to hold a steady job but he's none the worse for it and his Cobra MkIII is always well supplied with the latest gadgets. Don't ridicule the tasteless gold embroidery on his jacket - most of it's electrical circuitry and can do some pretty neat tricks. He appears from time to time, and though not regular, is still around, you'll be pleased to hear.
Jades High-flying Imperial officer, among other things....
Porphyre Heavy drinker.
NFoxLog The Security Camera, so don't try to engage in conversation.
Maks Federal Navy officer (Major, I think). In some sort of science-related post. New uniform every week.
Flend Strange mystery of space.
RedGamma Resident artist. See Art
Mr. X. Spacer of Renown.
Simon C. Spacer of probable Renown.
Shazzer Never even been to Renown. Where's the Jukebox?
Ol' Blue Industrious worker, not on good terms with the owls.
Cmd. J.K.W. The Alliance's Finest. See AliothNet.
Stuart W. Prize-winning novelist and folk-music performer, so the squirrels tell me.
Commander Rollo Esteemed Commander from Sirroco Station.
BobaFett Bounty hunter from Ackwada. aka Peter Bridger. Returned From The Abyss.
Jannah Berihn Commanderess Jannah Berihn needs no introduction. Which is helpful.
Raquoon Long time patron and galactic rogue. Recently returned "From Scunthorpe".
Tracey the Barmaid Erstwhile Elite Bar volunteer Barmaid.
SAvatar Where are you now? [No longer a regular]
Djeez Wanders in once in a while.
Volnaris Like Djeez. Believed to operate under a new alias.
Phace [No longer a regular]
Gridle Executive from corporate Mars. [No longer a regular]
Prycon Who knows? I think he's from the inner core somewhere... [No longer a regular]
Gezz [No longer a regular]
Zsinj Delusional oddball <He'll object, no doubt> [No longer a regular]
Louis <Yeah, right....> [No longer a regular. Hmm.]
   

Drinks

Ah, yes, drink, the life-blood of any bar. But don't be expecting any of your fancy inner-core drinks out here, sunshine....

Brown - Price: 2 Credits (Cr)

Brown. Good old Brown. What's Brown? Well, Brown is Brown. Not too helpful, that, but you'll have to live with it. Even Bee's at a loss as to what exactly Brown actually is, but no-one really cares. It's the staple drink of the bar, dunked fresh and occasionally lumpy from open-topped casks. Brown is REAL ALE. It is NOT LAGER (So don't put it round the pipes. Yes, I know that's lagging, not lager. There may be a dialect form). Anyone who mourns the loss of my ranting about moomins is obviously a fool, but, as I have said so little about Brown, I'll fill this space with a small section from the Children's Encyclopaedia Vol. 6 of 1934 (ed.  Arthur Mee, pb. The Educational Book Company, London)

Why Is Tight Clothing Bad For Us

"All our clothing, from head to feet, should be worn loose. Anything tight on the trunk of the body interferes with the movements of deep, easy breathing and injures our health. Tight clothing is bad also because it interferes with the proper circulation of the blood through the body. Many foolish people suffer from cold feet because they wear boots so tight that blood is simply unable to get into them. Such people almost deserve to have cold feet, and corns and chilblains, and all the other consequences of wearing tight footgear. The proper way to keep warm is by our blood, not by cotton or leather; and the way to help the blood to do its work is to give it room to flow instead of tightening the veins and stopping circulation."
Water - Price: 1Cr
Water needs little explanation. Obtained via a hole in the Bar's floor, this water is pure and fresh. There's even the chance of the odd dead (or live) fish.
Klensum - Price: 5 Cr
Klensum, Klens Um, or simply Klens, is the TEB version of the Wild West's malt liquor. It's clear-coloured, but green en-mass, and damned potent. Ask for it at your local veterinary surgeon's, by the way, and whatever you do, don't get it on your hands.
Mr. Sunshine™ - Price: 3Cr
A bottle of Mr. Sunshine™ just appeared one day, seemingly out of nowhere. Bee drunk the bottle of Mr. Sunshine™, only to find another one appearing in it's place. Tastes like paint-stripper with a hint of orange. Main ingredients: Lithium, sedatives, artificial colouring, artificial flavouring, artificial water, Unknown™ (patent pending).
Mint Surprise - Price 4, 6 or 8 credits, or free.
Surprise guaranteed.*

* Note: A "Surprise" in this case is defined as being any  unexpected event, no matter how caused, and may or may not be directly related to the drink. Though it probably will be.

Black - Price: n/a
Because the Bar is not what it used to be, no-one drinks Black (the first and obvious spin-off) anymore. It is perhaps responsible for the Scunthorpe Portal. Black is custom-made and not readily available.
Other Drinks Include: Capitol Vodka, Hirsute, Grog, Blue, Moderately Reputed Moorhen, Old Cliché etc.

Things 'n' Stuff

There are a few more things in the Bar...

Or at least, there have been at one time or another. The dartboard was removed after the incident with the fragmenting radar-guided darts and the transmitter in the treble twenty, and the hole in the wall taped over. There's also a telly which Bee brings out for special occasions, but don't expect anything much except static (and maybe the odd cricket match). Commander Shazzer has recently financed the instillation of the "Dubious Jukebox", which will play anything he damn well wants it to play (his tastes are reasonable - or at least, he thinks so). A piano, covered in straw, is somewhere in the corner - tread carefully, and don't move the coal scuttle!